Tucker Max Gets Called Out By A College Kid

A college kid confronted Tucker Max during his recent promotional bus tour. Tucker Max had stopped at the McFadden's bar near the Vanderbilt campus and camped out in a back room to meet people. Matt Sheldon, a Vanderbilt student, claims to have cut in a line to meet Tucker and initiated a conversation with Tucker about the movie.

When asked what he thought about the cut of I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell that was released to theaters, Sheldon claims that Max said, "I don’t really give a shit, it’s gonna make me a shitload of money." Sheldon also claims that Max became agitated when Sheldon revealed that he wanted to be an agent and then went off on a "rant in which he made three claims, each of which oozed more bullshit than the last. "1," he began "I invented a literary genre. Two, I am richer than you will ever be, and three, these girls are waiting in line to [expletive] me."

Sheldon writes the following about Tucker Max's rant:

Understanding the falsity of his claims, I was irked and drunk enough to debase them. I told him that his blog was no more than an editorial piece applied online; no literary genre was created, only shifted mediums. Second: if he was so rich, he wouldn’t have to travel across the country in a bus to 18 and over bars for a few hundred dollars to meet fans, and three: it’s widely known in the industry he makes all of his stories up, aggrandizing regular feats into those of colossal proportions.

I have to tip my hat to Matt Sheldon. More people need to confront Tucker Max on his bullshit. It might actually help keep Tucker Max's ego in check.

Real-Life Tucker Max Childhood Stories

Some comments concerning Tucker Max's childhood have been posted on this post on my original Tucker Max is a Douchebag blog. These were posted by anonymous posters, so I am unable to independently verify these accounts. If anyone has any additional information regarding these incidents, please leave a comment to this post.

Anonymous said...

Tucker grew up in Lexington KY. Attended elementary school, jr. high, and the first 3 years of high school there.

In 7th grade he drew swastikas on his hands in a attempt to piss off his social studies teacher (Mr. Esrael, who, as it turned out, wasn't even jewish) This was followed by his reading "The Autobiography of Malcolm X" and declaring that, despite what we might think based on his skin tone and blond hair, really, he's black.

Then he flunked out his junior year (in addition to a scandal involving cheating on the AP U.S. History Test) and ended up at a boarding school on his daddy’s dime, repeating that year and hiding his failure well enough to get into UC.

His psychotically delusional narcissism is DECADES old.

9/29/2009 6:36 AM



Anonymous said...

I played little league with Tucker in the 5th grade. He struck out pretty much everytime he went to bat.

10/03/2009 7:10 AM

Here are pictures of Mr. Esrael and a young Tucker Max. Someone posted a link to these photos in a comment to this post. These appear to have been scanned from a class or yearbook photo.

"I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell" Is a Complete Failure

Tucker Max's I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell opened on Friday, September 25, 2009. Tucker has previously predicted that his film would be groundbreaking and might even make more money at the box office than The Hangover did. (The Hangover grossed $435 million worldwide.) Tucker was so confident of the movie's eventual success that he actually implied that he was going to rent a private jet to celebrate the film's opening weekend success. He wrote the following tweet back in July regarding the film:

"Ft. Hood screening going great, same as all the screenings. I cannot wait until September 25th. Private jet, here I come."

I Hope They Server Beer In Hell opened with a pathetic $369,000 gross from its limited release on 120 theaters. Tucker presumably was hoping for a take of several million dollars on the opening weekend so that he could convince investors to front the money for a wide release of perhaps 1,000 or more theaters.

Tucker's movie generally received horrible reviews and opened with box office returns far below Tucker's expectations. The failure of this movie means that Tucker's dream of becoming a screenplay writer or Hollywood star are effectively over.

I almost pity Tucker. This is a flame-out of monumental proportions. What can possibly do now? He's probably incapable of working a 9-5 job, but he's going to have to do something for money. It's clear that he doesn't quite have the mass appeal that he thought he did, even though he apparently did manage to sell quite a few copies of his I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell book to his moronic fans.

Official Trailer for "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell"

Tucker Max has released the official trailer for "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell." This trailer makes the movie look terrible. Not surprisingly, Tucker's fan boys are leaving positive comments on the youtube page for the trailer. However, other websites are writing that the trailer makes the movie look like it is going to be very shitty.

I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

Tucker Max's Movie

As many of you know, a movie is being produced about Tucker Max's life. This movie is supposed to be based on Tucker's stories which have been posted on his website and described in his I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell book. According to Tucker Max, the stories he writes about himself are true even if he is unable to corroborate most of the important details. I am certain that Tucker will claim that 95% of the details in his movie are true, although I doubt that would draw much fanfare. A movie truly based 95% on his real-life events would probably involve two hours of him sitting in front of his computer masturbating to porn while eating a big bag of Doritos.

Tucker claims to have somehow managed to find a producer willing to invest $6 million dollars in his film. I do not know how he managed to swing that, but I doubt this movie will do well. He was supposed to have a TV show on Comedy Central a few years ago, but his material was so bad that he was quickly dropped. The same thing will probably happen with his movie. Even if the movie is completed, it will probably go quickly to video after bombing in the theaters. There is one good thing that could come out of this movie - the mainstream media might expose Tucker's lies and perhaps the NY Times will do a piece on him, proving that Tucker is full of shit. Of course, the vast majority of America has never heard of Tucker, so there's a good possibility that the media (with the exception of Gawker) might not care enough to bother investigating Tucker's bogus stories.

Archived Post - "Story About Tucker From Facebook.com"

Story About Tucker From Facebook.com
[originally posted on "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog on Saturday, March 24, 2007]

The story below was copied from a Facebook.com account. A link to this story in the comments to an older post awhile ago.

Tucker Max's face, meet Megan ******'s hand

Megan was discussing ball shaving with a nice man at a tailgate. Good start to this story;) NE ways, Tucker Max was also at the tailgate and started talking shit to Megan (he obviously thought she was a hot girl who would sleep w/ him if acted like an asshole, and he was showing off in front of his buddies). Megan hit him on the arm, and he said that meant Megan wanted to fuck him because if she hit him in the face, then he'd know she was mad. She then dissed his elastic waistband (yes, he was wearing elastic waistband shorts, what is he, 12?), and he said "its so stupid bitch whores like you can suck my dick without any confusion." So she slapped him in the face!!!

Tucker threw his drink at her, Candice threw her drink at Tucker with lightning fast reflexes, then he proceeded to grab Megan by her hair and hit her in the face with his pathetically small hands. With a bruised face, and a bruised ego, he took his shriveled penis back to his buddies.

In Tucker Max's own words, "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole." Oh, and he hits girls.

Here is a link to the comments to this post from the former "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog

Archived Post - "Tucker Max's Lies"

Tucker Max's Lies
[originally posted on "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog on Wednesday, January 24, 2007]

From an Amazon.com review of I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell:

In the "Foxfield weekend" story, he claims he was mid-coitus when a pepper spray can that was in the girl's purse discharged. Funny, but definitely fiction. Pepper spray cans have a spring-loaded guard that you must lift and slide your finger under (at which point it takes several pounds of downward pressure to spray it). At the very least, they have a safety lock you must slide over and then down (similar to what you'd find on a "child-proof" lighter). To suggest it could go off accidentaly from someone lying down on a purse is laughable.

From Here's A November 2006 Real-Life Tucker Max Story:

I actually have had the grave misfortune of dealing with TM and know first hand about his last story where he supposedly 'fucked a midget'. I assure you, this did NOT happen. I know this b/c it was MY place of residence, in MY room, I lived in a loft with NO ceilings, and yet there was not a single peep. Of the 8 people that were there (he conveniently left me out of the story b/c I talked shit back to him, and wouldn't let him fuck me) standing NEXT DOOR to the bedroom with NO ceilings in the kitchen drinking beer, not a one heard a fuckin' sound. We even propped up chairs to peep over - he was on one side, the little person on the other, not even touching. Listen, I know my bed. It woke me up when I had to rollover in the night, and it sure as hell made noise with constant giration, a la fornication. The fact that he claims to have 'hit her cervix' would have surely let out a yelp, or some indicative that something was actually happening.

After about 10-15 min. he walks out and announces, "Anyone who's ever fucked a midget, raise your hand!" I went to see where this midget had gone, to find her completely passed out, with clothing still on. So unless he raped her, he didn't fuck her. And yet he touts it as some badge of honor.

It's one thing to be intolerant of people's bullshit and call them out on it, it's a complete other thing when you come into MY house and treat me like shit when I've been a pretty respectable host. One borders on hilarity, the other on narcissism. The only reason he stayed the entire weekend was b/c he was buddies with my roomie. I subsequently stayed away that weekend, and told him to "fuck off and die" when he left.

I know I shouldn't be wasting any more time with this worthless cretin, but it's nice to know that at least, I'm not alone.

By Anonymous, at 12/26/2006 11:38 PM

Here is a link to the comments to this post from the former "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog

Archived Post - "Comment From A Longtime Tucker Max Fan"

Comment From A Longtime Tucker Max Fan
[originally posted on "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog on Tuesday, December 19, 2006]

An anonymous poster has posted a comment about Tucker that really rings true. The following was submitted December 14, 2006 at 11:54 AM as a comment to the post "The Purpose of The Blog Is To Expose Tucker Max As A Douchebag":

I’ve been a member of the Tucker Max Message Board (TMMB) for almost 4 years. I first heard about Tucker and his site from an e-mail that was passed around. It was the “Miss Vermont Story” and got e-mailed around a lot a few months before he was on MTV and the site exploded. I have read every story posted on his old and new site and been a semi-frequent poster on the TMMB. Why? Quite frankly his stories made me laugh. Tucker tells a good story, or at least he used to, and it was an entertaining diversion from work or school. Mind you, he’s not a good writer in a technical sense, but his stories were funny and did a good job of conveying a hilarious mental image. I never assumed that the stories were 100% true, I assumed that they were embellished. Or, more precisely, the stories contained an essential kernel of truth surrounded by made-up/exaggerated elements of the story (a lot of the dialogue). I didn’t care, though, because I was just there to get a cheap laugh.

The more I thought about it, however, the more the fact that TM is basically lying in his stories began to bother me. His whole hook is that these stories are “true.” Anyone could just make this shit up and pass it off as fiction, it would get e-mailed around a few times and be forgotten. But Tucker presents it as true, that it actually happened to him, and it didn’t, he’s lying and that’s unacceptable. What gets Tucker his attention is people going “Man, I can’t believe that this actually happened to someone, that shit is so crazy!! I wish I were him.” In short, he was interesting because he represented something that many people wish they were but don’t really have the balls to be. Unfortunately, he wasn’t really that person, Tucker is more a persona than anything else.

Even still, this wouldn’t be that big a crime in my book if not for Tucker’s ever growing ego and arrogance. It was funny for a while, but now it has just gotten out of control. And this is reflected in the company he keeps. Like I said, I’ve been a member of the TMMB for a long time, long before most people knew about it. Back in the day, it was mainly Tucker and his friends from law school and friends of Tucker from real life. Almost all of these people were regular posters, something that kept Tucker grounded and provided a much-needed reality check, they weren’t afraid to call bullshit on his stuff or smack him down a bit. Basically, TMMB was just an online version of friends giving each other shit at a bar.

That changed after the MTV show and Miss Vermont lawsuit. All of a sudden, a bunch of people came out of the woodwork and began e-sucking Tucker’s cock (and a few did in real life too). The problem was, none of these people were in on the joke, they didn’t realize that the shit wasn’t all true. But in order to keep these new fans, Tucker couldn’t admit it wasn’t true, he had to maintain the façade. And the more often he repeated the lie, the more he seems to believe in it. Slowly, almost everyone on the TMMB who knew Tucker in real life, pre-MTV, started to drift away. Most stopped posting, deleted their accounts and haven’t been heard of since. Part of this is a natural maturation process, what his friends thought was funny at 25 became less so at 30, and a little diversion no longer seemed important. But what I think is also is the case is that a number of people who knew Tucker knew the truth and started to get disgusted at what he was becoming. You can see this in the dwindling posts of guys like JoJo, PWJ, SlingBlade, SippyCup and others. Anyone who “knew” Tucker in real life found one excuse or another to stop posting. Tucker’s their friend and they would never call him out, but they seem to have gotten sick of what he was becoming. The bullshit is funny when everyone knows its exaggerated; when Tucker started acting like everything was gospel truth, it became more than they were willing to deal with.

This has, unfortunately, only made Tucker worse. Unencumbered by people who could call him out and keep him grounded, Tucker has just fed off the adulation of people on the board. The TMMB is now populated by a bunch of people that worship at the altar of Tucker and believe everything that he says. Anyone who raises a question, or expresses a view contrary to Tucker’s is immediately flamed and banned by those incapable of anything other than groupthink. Even worse are his new core clique, basically the Rudius Media people. All of them are dependent in one way or another on Tucker for their “fame” and livelihood. People like Bunny, Kung Fu Mike, Solyent Green, DRex (who, for my money, is the absolute worst person in the Tucker orbit and probably world), Mr Jake/Luke and others are so tied to Tucker that the cannot allow anyone to question him. Their existence is tied totally to maintaining the fiction of Tucker’s life; ask Tucker if a story is true, and either DRex or Luke will quickly swoop in to say that it absolutely is because they were there and/or know Tucker and that’s the way it is. But they HAVE to say this, they’ve hitched their wagon to Tucker and are just trying to live in some of his reflected “flame”. This is what has bothered me the most, all of Tucker’s “friends”, the people who appear in his newer stories, are people from the TMMB. They basically have no lives of their own and exist solely to be foils for Tucker. Surrounded by this group of yes men and women, Tucker no longer has a touchstone with reality and can tell any fiction that he wants. That’s why anyone who questions Tucker orthodoxy is immediately destroyed, too many people are now dependent on THE LIE to allow the truth to be exposed.

And that’s the real problem, Tucker know “believes” the lie that he has concocted for himself. And why shouldn’t he? Those people immediately around him reinforce his belief and never challenge him or do anything but fawn over his action while simultaneously punishing anyone who dissents. As a result, Tucker has just gotten worse and worse, he actually believes his own bullshit and thinks he is the vanguard of some new “movement” that will change entertainment and gender relationships. Whereas before a lot of his bravado was tongue-in-cheek and done more for effect, now Tucker really believes in his self-importance and needs constant reinforcement of it. You don’t need to know anymore other than he CONSTANTLY refers to himself as a best-selling author, and finds a way to bring it into EVERY conversation. Congrats, that’s an accomplishment. But why should I care?

All this being said, there is one bright spot to Tucker: the re-launch of PhilaLawyer. I highly recommend everyone read philawyer.net, that guy is an amazing writer and actually has something to say.

Here is a link to the comments to this post from the former "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog

Archived Post - "The Purpose of The Blog Is To Expose Tucker Max As A Douchebag"

The Purpose of The Blog Is To Expose Tucker Max As A Douchebag
[originally posted on "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog on Monday, December 11, 2006]

As I have written several times already, this blog was set up to expose Tucker Max as a douchebag. Tucker and his moderators edit the hell out of Tucker's own message board and his Wikipedia entry. He and his followers have also apparently submitted a substantial number of overly positive fake reviews of his books at Amazon.com.

People need a forum where they can rebut Tucker's b.s. stories or post their own. Based on the format of the entries on this blog it should be readily apparent that I really don't spend much time posting messages here. I created this blog because I believe that Tucker is trying portray himself as a cool stud, something he is clearly not.

Some of you are the misconception that this blog is supposed to be as authoritative as the Wall Street Journal or the New York Times and that I should independently verify every single thing posted in the comments here. That is not going to happen. Not only is that completely unrealistic, you need to consider the fact that Tucker does not post citations for everything he posts on website, so why should I or the people posting comments?

People can post comments anonymously if they want to do so. There have been many good Tucker Max stories posted here. Are they all 100% true? I don't know, as I was not present during any of the encounters described in the stories. You should use your own judgment and decide for yourself.

I suppose that Tucker's fans would like me to disable anonymous comments so that they can find out who is posting real Tucker Max stories here so that they can harass such posters. Keep dreaming, because that is not going to happen anytime soon.

Others of you think that I am somehow insecure and/or just want to piggyback off Tucker to get website traffic. Those are the pathetic insults made by desperate people. Do you honestly think that everyone who dislikes Tucker must therefore be jealous of him or insecure? You're delusional if you really believe that. Sooner or later your hero will be exposed to his Internet followers as a liar and a douchebag (if he hasn't already). Also, look around on this blog. Do you see any advertising? I'm not doing this to make money or achieve fame.

Here is a link to the comments to this post from the former "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog

Archived Post - "Real-Life Tucker Max Bar Story"

Real-Life Tucker Max Bar Story
[originally posted on "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog on Sunday, November 26, 2006]

Another anonymous poster has posted a real-life Tucker Max bar story in the comments section of the previous post, "Here's A November 2006 Real-Life Tucker Max Story." If anyone else can verify the details of the story, you can add a comment to this post. This story was submitted by an anonymous poster on November 18, 2006 at 10:06 PM:

I've been out with Tucker on a number of occasions. Myself and another one of his ex fans used to remark on his awesome conquests as they are either "18, 92 or 235". Meaning most of them are 18 years old or younger, or have an IQ of below 92, or they weigh over 235 lbs. Yes he did hook up with some good looking girls, but most women laughed him off in his face. The quality of the girls he fucks is usually between "mentally unstable" to "whoa, that chick is really fucked up". Tucker thinks because a girl is hot, they are "A" game. I disagree, most of them are nothings who would 20 years ago would have been groupies for RATT or WASP.

He's a fraud, that I can tell you 1st hand.

Here is a link to the comments to this post from the former "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog

Archived Post - "Here's A November 2006 Real-Life Tucker Max Story"

Here's A November 2006 Real-Life Tucker Max Story
[originally posted on "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog on Thursday, November 16, 2006]

An anonymous poster has written a real-life Tucker Max story in the comments section of the previous post, The Chicago Sun Times Exposes Tucker Max As A Douchebag. I have no way of verifying any details of this story, as it was submitted by an anonymous poster on November 14, 2006 at 12:03 PM:

Tucker clearly is effeminate, and he does seem to overcompensate for a lot of his issues, but I don't think he's a homosexual. I can understand if it's clearly your observation that he is gay, but if you're calling him one as an insult, I think you're missing the point.

Tucker isn't what he says he is on a lot of levels. I've played basketball against him, so I kind of know him. He states that he was an awesome hoops player. I truly disagree. He does have some skills, but none of them translate well into a game. He's usually among the third or forth tier players who get picked in our pickup games. It's funny watching him make this claim over and over, because he's overstating his level of achievement yet again, and I find that just to be a symptom of his malaise.

I've gone out with him twice after games. He's affable enough, but he's a joke after 3 or 4 beers. He's 30 years old and he still counts how many drinks he has, he refers to himself in the 3rd person and is obviously a bullshit artist. I can't stand people who put on a front, and Tucker is doing it to the nth degree. Some people might think this is cool, but in polite circles, he's just another big mouthed asshole. Over the course of the evening he kept bringing up the fact that he has a NY Times best seller. It kind of got old, but I did go out and buy his book to read it.

I wasn't impressed. I think his level of writing is slightly above Penthouse Letters, if only that his stories always have him as a central character. After meeting him to play hoops again, I knew the book was bullshit. He's not that quick witted in real life. I know this couldn't be the same guy who was the star of his book. In the bars in NY, Tucker didn't hook up for shit, because we weren't in his home turf, which seems to be college aged bars up above 23rd street. That's good for him, except he's 31 now, and he's becoming transparent to even then. On the 2nd night we hung out, he struck out all night, but ended up hooking up with a girl Tucker yelled at an hour earlier for being too fat. That seemed to be the level of quality he was used to.

Here is a link to the comments to this post from the former "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog

Archived Post - "The Chicago Sun Times Exposes Tucker Max As A Douchebag"

The Chicago Sun Times Exposes Tucker Max As A Douchebag
[originally posted on "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog on Thursday, November 02, 2006]

Someone posted a link in the comments section of a previous post to the blog article Sunday Lunch With Tucker Max at the website for the Chicago Sun Times. This blog article was written by a female reporter who followed Tucker Max around for a day when he did a book signing at a Chicago book store. This article clearly shows that Tucker Max's book tour hasn't gone as well he tries to make it seem. According to the author, Tucker Max only signed 41 books at the bookstore. He apparently received $1 for each book signed. After accounting for the cost of parking ($26), he ended the day ahead by only $15. However, after factoring in the cost of renting the SUV he drove to get to the book store, it is obvious that he lost money on the Chicago leg of his book signing tour.

The Chicago Times blog entry was posted in April 2006. Shortly after it went up on the website, the morons who kiss up to Tucker Max started this long message board thread bashing the blog author. Tucker Max and his followers are so delusional that they actually seem to believe that the author wrote the blog entry because she was jealous of Tucker Max because of he is a 'successful writer,' wanted to have sex with Tucker but was distraught when she realized it wasn't going to happen, or is just a man-hating bitch.

This is the blog article:

Sunday Lunch with Tucker Max

The downtown Books-A-Million, on South Clark Street, is not exactly located in the heart of Tucker Max country. Business-casual office workers and well-suited bankers on late-morning coffee breaks mostly cruise past the table stacked with Max's book, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell (Citadel Press, 277 pages, $12.95), without so much as a second look.

Every now and then, though, someone stops. It's generally a guy, slightly sheepish. And he'll do a brief double-take, taking in the book and its recognizably obnoxious cover, and then gradually begin to focus in on Max himself, sitting behind the table, looking sleepy and hungover.

...

[Click here is see the rest of the article]

Here is a link to the comments to this post from the former "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog

Archived Post - "Another Tucker Max Story Exposed As A Fabrication"

Another Tucker Max Story Exposed As A Fabrication
[originally posted on "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog on Friday, October 20, 2006]

Tucker Max has a story on his website discussing a trip he took to Austin Texas. According to Tucker, he and a friend stayed in a hotel. Tucker became insanely drunk while he was returning to the hotel on one of his days staying there and literally shit his pants in the hotel lobby and then made his way to the lobby bathroom. Tucker claims that he threw his underwear in the sink where it lay covered in his own excrement. He also claims that he took off his pants that he had accidentally crapped on and then saw a Mexican janitor walking over to clean the bathroom. Tucker knew he had to leave the scene of the crime immediately, so he walked up the stairs or took the elevator back up to he room despite being naked and covered in his own shit.

Like most of Tucker Max's stories, this one sounds like a bunch of bullshit. Some of the people who having been leaving comments to my previous post claim to have made some phone calls and confirmed that the events described above never occurred.

Anonymous posted this at 10/17/2006 9:46 PM:

He also mentioned what hotel it was, Embassy Suites, check it out. I'm sure if you call and say you are a reporter investigating for a story they will let you in on the info.

Another Anonymous posted this follow-up message at 6:42 AM on 10/18/2006:

Embassy Suites, Austin TX

512-469-9000

I spoke with the manager on duty, who has been working there for 6 years. They had no record of this event, and said that if this occured, they were sure to hear about it.

Also, I was told that if this happened, they wouldn't wait until the guest checked out. They would immeadiately be asked to leave the hotel.

Next time you want to have somebody call your bluff, make sure you're holding a stronger hand.

Tucker = Liar

Here is a link to the comments to this post from the former "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog

Archived Post - "Another Real-Life Tucker Max Story"

Another Real-Life Tucker Max Story
[originally posted on "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog on Tuesday, September 26, 2006]

Kungfu Mike (Tucker Max's friend who got beaten up by cloud Starchaser last year) posted a real-life Tucker Max story recently. Tucker Max claims to make over $10,000 per month from his website and recently bragged about getting a $300,000 advance for the next pile of rubbish he calls a book. However, despite this supposed wealth, Tucker Max apparently ripped off a few restaurants and waitresses a few months ago by eating and then leaving without paying:

I went on a book signing tour once with an internet celebrity that made six figures, and he insisted on pulling a chew-and-screw at every Cracker Barrel restaurant we saw on the road. I didn't even realize that we were doing it until the 5th time.

Internet Celebrity: "Dude, let's get out of here."
Me: "OK, did the waitress bring the bill around?"
Internet Celebrity: "No dude, let's just go."
Me: "...what? You want to chew-and-screw?!"
Internet Celebrity: "Um, Mike...we do that every time we eat breakfast at one of these places."

I was so nervous walking out of that restaurant that in my rush to get out the door I bumped into some elderly guy with a cane, throwing him off balance and into some vintage toy display, leaving him on the floor with other patrons trying to help him up as I scurried out to the Ford Explorer. Fucking internet celebrities, they're like coupons with feet.

Here is a link to the comments to this post from the former "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog

Archived Post - "Tucker Max Doesn't Care About His Fans"

Tucker Max Doesn't Care About His Fans
[originally posted on "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog on Tuesday, September 19, 2006]

It's amazing that the idiots who kiss Tucker Max's ass continue to visit his website after he treats them like crap. Here's a typical post by Tucker showing what he really thinks of his fans:

"Let me explain something to the whiney cunts who have been PMing me about their fucking signatures or whatever being changed:

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

I don't care. You shouldn't care either, but if you do, I don't want to hear about it. I don't care about your signatures, I don't care about your rep points, I don't care if a mod is leaving negative reps and signing them from one of your buddies, I don't care about any of that shit. If you take that shit seriously enough to PM me about it, you need to fucking check yourself.

Do you people think I have the time or the desire to deal with your petty problems? In case you are unclear about this: I don't. From this point forward, I am going to just immediately ban anyone who bothers me about these things.

If you think a mod is being unfair to you, PM that person. If it goes poorly for you, tough shit. Deal with it, create a new account with a new username, or just don't come back. Contrary to what you may believe, this place doesn't need you. I don't care how many rep points you have, or how good your posts are, you are easily replaceable.

The TMMB should be an entertaining place, a place for diversion, laughter, and maybe some intellectual discourse every now and then. That is all. If it becomes more than that to you, you need to go. Nothing that happens here with regards to signature and rep points matters at all, so I don't want to hear about it."

Here is a link to the comments to this post from the former "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog

Archived Post - "Another Picture of Tucker Max Looking Like A Douchebag"

Another Picture of Tucker Max Looking Like A Douchebag
[originally posted on "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog on Thursday, August 31, 2006]

Here's another picture of Tucker Max looking like a complete douchebag. It appears as though this picture was taken while he participating in a radio interview regarding his book. Tucker looks very wimpy and frail in this picture. Look at how narrow his shoulders appear to be relative to the size of his head.

Also, it appears as though he's falling asleep. Is it possible that even he gets tired of discussing his fabricated stories? I think Tucker needs a new gimmick, as his 15 minutes of fame are rapidly expiring.


Here is a link to the comments to this post from the former "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog

Archived Post - "Real-Life Tucker Max Stories"

Real-Life Tucker Max Stories
[originally posted on "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog on Friday, August 18, 2006]

Some of the people posting comments here written about some really interesting (and enlightening) true-life Tucker Max stories. Obviously I have no way of verifying any of these, as they were submitted by anonymous posters. If anyone else can verify these, feel free to provide a comment to this post. Thanks for the interesting stories, anonymous posters.

This story was provided as a comment to a previous posting:

Anonymous said...
I know a chick that he used to fuck last year and she is definitely not hot at all. She was probably ok five years ago, but she has a gut and her face is pretty hurt. And this was not just a casual thing either. Tucker really went out of his way to fuck this chick and spend time with her.
7/19/2006 5:42 AM

This story was provided as a comment to another previous posting:

Anonymous said...
Yeah, I have a Tucker Max story.

Tucker lives in my neighborhood in Flat Iron (I'm not sure where, but I think he lives on or around my block). I have seen him out at a local bar that I used to frequent. I had no idea who or what he was. He was just sort of a drunken loudmouth from the midwest who bragged how he was better than everybody else because he's fucked more women and had some sort of book deal. Thing was, in this pub, nobody could give a fuck. Finally one patron, an elderly man from Ireland named Jimmy told him that nobody cared, that he was getting on his nerves and if he didn't shut up he was going to kick Tucker's ass. Tucker, backed by his friends, decided to try and make fun of Jimmy. Jimmy sat back, laughed it off, looked at Tucker and swung his cane, hitting him dead in the knee. Tucker went down like a bitch, Jimmy went back to drinking his cheap beer. The owner, a guy named Butch came out and grabbed a screaming Tucker by the leg and dragged him out of the bar. His friends did absolutely jackshit as they were now outnumbered. Tucker was screaming stuff about suing the bar.

What's really fucked up, as Butch entered the bar after throwing Tucker out the front door, Tucker emerged and sucker punched Butch from behind, hitting him in the back of the head (Butch is about 5-8 200 and an ex-Marine). He then ran out of the bar and into the night. He has not been back to the bar since. I haven't seen him around the neighborhood since that incident (which occured in June).

Let's run this down. Tucker Max was an outward asshole at a bar, chastised and threatened a 75 year old man with a cane, got pimp slapped by the 75 year old man with a cane, got thrown out of the bar by a 55 year old man much smaller than him and then resorted to sucker punching the 55 year old man before running out of the bar like a straight up pussy.

Bet this story didn't make his site.

8/17/2006 2:10 PM

Here is a link to the comments to this post from the former "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog

Archived Post - "Tucker Max Gets Clowned On The Opie & Anthony Show"

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Archived Post - "Interesting Post About Tucker Max And His Followers"

Interesting Post About Tucker Max And His Followers
[originally posted on "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog on Sunday, June 25, 2006]

I discovered the following post about Tucker MAx and his mindless followers posted in the comments section for this article about Tucker Max from BlaggBlog. I don't even know who most of these people are. I did see a video of a fight between Cloud Starchaser and KungFu Mike, and Cloud fought KungFu to a draw and might have gotten the upper hand if KungFu's chubby friend hadn't intervened.

The whole Tucker Max phenomenon is a bunch of self promotion, hype, and alot of stupid tools, Tucker included. Ill admit some of his insults are good, but you have to wonder how many he actually came up with on the spot. His stories are filled with exaggeration. Ive been trolling his friends blogs, ripping the whole clique a new one. The whole "Tucker Max" clique is a bunch of asskissing retards following a no talent hack.

Tucker Max- is quickly on his way to becoming a F-list has been. Odds of him even doing a pilot for a show are now 1000 to 1. Although he wont admit it. Very big shit talker. Sassy.Like most shit talkers he cant back it up himself. He has to recruit an army of mindless retards eager to belong somewhere to do his bidding. Its no coincidence that many of his fans are or were in the military. A word of Advice, Tucker, no ones gonna be interested in seeing a 35 year old acting like a spoiled, drunken frat boy. Good Luck in the Future.

TheBunny- dumb, masochistic,average looking dyke/bisexual.OOOOHHH!! How special!!! And how original. Im so interested in her vapid insights... What do ya know, she's a huge fan of Montell Jordan. Why does this not suprise me?? Maybe if I kiss enough ass, I can get a crack at her worn out cunt. Maybe she'll bring another average looking,stretched out cunt from the obselete "Chicago Bomb Squad" and then we can have a mechanical 3-way, and feel "real cool" Claim to fame: dated F-list celeb Tucker Max. Can you get more pathetic??

Drunkasaurus Rex aka "DRex"- The stupid nickname should be an obvious warning sign to anyone. "Douchebag Over Here!!" Another Tucker Max idolizer/dicksucker/groupie this tool tries his best to imitate the talentless F-list hack in lifestyle,outlook and writing. And even though its hard to do, he manages to write worse than Tucker.

Luke Heidelberger- Goober Extraordinaire. Had a pic of a girls ass and a bottle of crisco oil photoshopped next to it, as his icon. "Up to the elbows" was his caption under the pic. Need I say more?

Kung Fu Mike- Looks fairly tough in pics, but video shows otherwise. Comes off as a short, immature, geeky,out of shape slacker with a bad haircut. His voice is unbeliveably nasal, and he is easily bullied by Tucker into starting fights he doesnt ant. Fought to a draw against out of shape fruitcake Cloud Starchaser. To top it all off, he sees himself as some great comedic talent, when its obvious he is a mediocre, borderline hack that uses tired unoriginal cliches, such as dressing up as a retard. LOL! This guy just keeps the kneeslappers coming! Watch out Gallagher!!! Yet his fan base in the Tucker Max community is widespread.

Hmmm. Makes you wonder...

its SoylentGreen- "Hey, I look like a bulked up reject from the WWF turned rent-a-cop. But I have a military background(surprise!) and consider myself a pretty macho guy overall. I really try, you know. I own all kinds of guns MAXXESMAMA
| 01.17.06 - 6:50 pm | #

Here is a link to the comments to this post from the former "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog

Archived Post - "85% Of The People Leaving Comments Here Are Morons"

85% Of The People Leaving Comments Here Are Morons
[originally posted on "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog on Sunday, June 25, 2006]

The majority of the people leaving comments here are apparently under the impression that everything Tucker Max writes on his website is true. They seem to think he is some kind of god who makes tons of money without really working and scores with lots of hot babes.

I have a news flash for you people - just because someone writes something and posts it on the Internet doesn't mean it is necessarily true. In real life people call blowhards on their bullshit stories. For some reason, however, the people who kiss Tucker Max's ass will believe anything he says without any proof whatsoever.

If he really is making a ton of money from his website, he should post some proof. Ask to see a copy of his tax returns. Also, if he does make a boatload of money, does he own any property? If not, it's probably because he's full of shit any is only surviving because he's a rich trust-fund kid whose parents still give him financial support at the ripe old age of 30.

And as for his claims of being a stud who gets laid all the time, look at this picture of him:

Do you honestly believe that someone who looks like that is getting lots of hot babes? There aren't too many dumpy-looking unemployed guys who score super-hot chicks. Maybe in reality he has no standards and only hooks up with 200 lb skanks. That would almost be believable. But I don't buy for even a second that he gets any above-average women.

Here is a link to the comments to this post from the former "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog

Archived Post - "Amazon.com is Deleting Only Bad Reviews for Tucker Max's 'Book' "

Amazon.com is Deleting Only Bad Reviews for Tucker Max's "Book"
[originally posted on "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog on Monday, April 17, 2006]

I periodically check out the Amazon.com product page for Tucker Max's fictional "book," I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, to get a good chuckle out of reading the bad reviews. To be perfectly honest, I would bet that about 75% of the reviews for the book are fake reviews submitted either by Max's mindless followers or by people who think he's an incredible dickhead. Unfortunately, Amazon.com has been deleting some of the reviews. As far as I can tell, however, only negative reviews are being deleted. I know that negative reviews have been deleted because I did a search for all 1-star reviews a month ago and I know that there were more 1-star reviews last month than there are right now.

I don't know if Max is the culprit, but based on what I heard about his deletions of any comments critical to him posted on his own website, I think it's safe to attribute the deletions to him. What a jackass! His ego is so fragile that he has to wipe out any negative opinions about him as soon as he possibly can.

Here is a link to the comments to this post from the former "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog

Archived Post - "Article in NY Post Exposes Tucker Max As A Douchebag"

Article in NY Post Exposes Tucker Max As A Douchebag
[originally posted on "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog on Monday, March 27, 2006]

I discovered an article in today's NY Post that makes Tucker Max look like the douchebag he is. Apparently some woman who writes for the NY Post met him for an interview and he acted like a complete idiot. Check it out (I especially like the part where she criticizes his appearance):

http://www.nypost.com/entertainment/63680.htm

BLOGGER BAD BOY'S GOT DIRTY LAUNDRY

March 27, 2006 -- TUCKER Max does not perform oral sex. He doesn't care if a woman has an orgasm with him. I know this because his online "Tucker Max Hook-Up Application" comes with a disclaimer: "I define my success in bed by my happiness, not yours."

Max, 30, is an Internet impresario and author of "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell." Two weeks ago, he moved from Chicago to Manhattan. He's Hale-Bopp to a generation of narcissistic cynics, ages 18-35, who kneel before their laptops every time he posts on his Web site a new short story or blog about his unconscionable antics.

Seventy percent of his 50,000 to 75,000 daily users are men. He offers them a vicarious joy ride through an unleashed male id, the highlights being alcohol-poisoning-be-damned, bareback sex.

"Cool guys identify with Tucker's escapades," said Alan Philips, 26, a New York event planner. "Losers look up to him. He's a real-life Will Ferrell in 'Wedding Crashers.' Tucker gives you all the fun without the consequences."

Although it's understandable why guys idolize this developmentally arrested XY creature, why are a third of his fans women? More shockingly, he claims to receive up to 12 e-mails a day from women soliciting sex from him.

I had to figure it out. How did Max make the fairer sex swoon?

The opportunity presented itself on March 14 when he posted a request for a woman to do his laundry. In exchange, he offered "free books, dinner, sex," pointing out that hooking up was a good way to pass the time between loads.

"I don't know you but I want to be your laundress," I said over the phone.

"You've got it ass backwards," he sneered. "You've got to first know Tucker Max to get why you should do his laundry. Let's hang out."

A few nights later, I rang the buzzer of his third-floor, Flatiron District walk-up, a box of Tide in hand. I wanted to be prepared for anything, from separating his whites from his colors to slipping between his sheets.

"You're too late," he said, grabbing the detergent, putting it inside the doorway. "I already got some girl to do it. I want a beer."

I was stunned - not because I'd been scooped or by his gruffness. Max's pale, bloated face and flabby body were a far cry from the stud pictured on his Web site. He seemed shorter than his supposed 6 feet, smelled like a locker room and had a fleshy mole on his right nostril. Wearing baggy jeans, a gray tee and a black nylon, zip-front jacket, he looked like a convenience-mart cashier, sans the Redman chewing tobacco hat.

He led the way to Live Bait (ha!) where he paid for my ginger ale and expressed concern that I might get chilly because we were sitting on bar stools by the door. Was this personality shift from cad to gentleman his taming of the shrew?

Nah, that would be giving him too much credit.

"The ultimate strategy is no strategy," he explained when I asked what made him a lady-slayer. "In the 'Five Rings', Mushashi says that when a good strategist reaches the apex of his skill, it's fluid. You have to learn everything about everything and then apply what you know to the situation."

I had no idea what he was talking about.

He started blowing his nose into paper napkins, chucking them into his half-eaten buffalo chicken salad.

"You're making me sick," I pointed out.

He tossed a snotty napkin between my breasts.

"WHAT WOMAN WOULD EVER WANT YOU?!!!!!!!!!!" I cried.

Belching, he flipped open his cell, called a 21-year-old New York college student he'd recently slept with and handed me the phone.

"I'd been reading his site for three years and e-mailed him," she recounted. "I knew it would be casual sex. For me, he's the equivalent to Motley Crue in the '80s. Tucker's my idol. He's a genius. There's deeper meaning to his stories. I spent the night at his place. I expected him to be mean, but he picked up the bar tab and drove me to school the next morning, so he was nice."

I'm not the most discriminating of women when it comes to men, but this chick's standards were abysmally low.

"Was he at least good in bed?" I asked.

"He's very aggressive - hair pulling, biting; I had a bruise on my arm for days. It's the whole alpha- male thing. The fact that he says he's slept with hundreds of women makes him very attractive."

Back at Max's apartment, he let me check his e-mails. His inbox didn't lie.

"I don't get it," I said. "You're an overgrown frat boy with an average-size penis, as you described it. You offer a woman nothing."

"Eight times out of 10, if you come to my Web site to have sex with me, there's something broken about you," Max answered, finally decoding the mystery.

He was no different from an old school bad boy, except he promoted his reputation by way of modem. Insecure women with a classic "bottom" mentality couldn't resist - even took pride in - being the object of his condescension and abuse. To justify the degradation, they convinced themselves that bedding him was actually a coup. I bet a few had stolen a dirty sock from his wash as a souvenir.

Tucker Max was right. I had to know him first to understand why a woman would want to do his laundry. Clearly, I wasn't one of them. I left the unopened box of Tide behind.

elizabeth.hayt@nypost.com

Here is a link to the comments to this post from the former "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog

Archived Post - "Picture of Tucker Max and Girlfriend?"

Picture of Tucker Max and Girlfriend?
[originally posted on "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog on Monday, March 06, 2006]

A few weeks ago I found this picture of Tucker Max on Cloud Starchaser's blog. According to Cloud, the woman with Max is his girlfriend. Can anyone verify this for me?



Here is a link to the comments to this post from the former "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog

Archived Post - "A Frightened Tucker Max Runs Away From A Fight "

A Frightened Tucker Max Runs Away From A Fight
[originally posted on "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog on Wednesday, March 01, 2006]



Apparently the infamous shithead Tucker Max was being a dick (as usual) when he visited the University of Pittsburg to sign copies of his "book." Supposedly a student named "Will Powers" (shown in the picture on the right) almost got in a fight - Max was being a little bitch and weakly pushed Powers in an effort to intimidate Powers. Powers shoved Max back, almost knocking him over and then challenged Max to a fight right then and there. Max, being the complete pussy he is, apparently ran away like a scared little pansy. I guess Max was afraid he was finally going to get the good ass-whipping he deserves.

Here's the story of the confrontation as posted by Powers on some website:

Well, I said I was gonna interview tucker, then go to boomerangs and write an article on what the guy is really like. I have to say, he's pretty much what he puts himself out there as, a huge asshole.

When you read the article, you'll note that tucker puts words in the mouth of tattoo girl like crazy. What doesnt make sense, is that tattoo girl posted this on tuckers forums. "You're just pissed that Tucker and I both got pussy last night and you didn't. Pitt didn't suck; that Will kid from last night made the entire tour."

This is my reply to what tucker max posted on his site. Take it for what its worth. Those of you who know me know my personality and the kind of things I say. If you choose to believe this as the real event or not, here was my experience with tucker max.

Highlights include tucker thanking [my site] for promoting him, failing to finish a shot and throwing half away, and tucker bitching out to me on mckee st when I tried to fight him. If anyone who reads this has ever met me. What do I do when people start shit with me? Back down? Have you ever known me to be anything other than the loud, cocky and outright prick that I am? No. Tucker ran into a house scared as he didnt wanna get bitched up. I highly suggest if you dont have a lot of time READ THE END

So this all started when matt emailed tucker hearing he was coming up for a book signing, matt never got around to the interview and so I called tucker on his cell to do a phone interview. Overall I'd say the guy was pretty cool. He was really appreciatve of the fact that [my site] had been promoting his visit, and told me to come to the signing and the bar to talk more if I wanted, so I did.

I showed up at the book signing and introduced myself, "Hi, tucker, I'm will, I"m the guy that did the phone interview. "Nice to meet you man! Thanks for the PR, here, take a seat." At this point, tucker motions for me to sit next to tatoo girl, while he signs matt's book. Matt couldnt be there as he was hospitalized as I explained. While I sat there, numerous members [of my site] came up, said "hey will" and then got their books signed. This was apparent to tucker I'm sure.

This is tuckers quote of that meeting, "Hey Tucker, I'm TheDouche, the guy who interviewed you for my miniscule website that I won't shut the fuck up about. Let me tell you about how important I am."

Sound like a guy who'd invite me to sit down and chill?

So anyways, during this time, about all we talked about was tucker, as you'd expect. I asked him a number of questions. During it, I Didnt understand a reference a kid made about a story that had been posted during the day. Tucker showed me the story on his wireless laptop. I showed him [my site], which he commented had "a real professional setup" "thats an awesome amount of people for a regional site" and "thanks for putting that up for me". I of course was like, "no problem at all". This is tuckers side of the story:

"Alright, those were not even close to his exact words, but that is pretty much what happened over the 45 minutes; this dude would not stop talking about himself and how much he meant to Pitt and its student body and how much he had helped promote me and blah, blah, blah. Whatever, I am kinda used to this so I just ignored him. "

Before he handed me the book, I got a phone call from my mom. Tucker was asking me a question about [my site], and I told him to hold on, my mom was on the phone. I held up finger showing him to wait, then told my mom what I was doing. This is tuckers side of the story:

Tucker "Hey man, what is your-" and he cut me off. The motherfucker had his phone in his hand and was about to dial someone, and literally held his finger up to me in a "wait a second" gesture.

"By no means am I insinuating that I am such a star that I take priority over everything; it was more the way he did it, as if to say "I'm so imporant, you have to wait for me." It was a display of assclownery the likes of which I have never seen before. Mike looked at me in stunned disbelief and said, "What the fuck is going on?" I should have known what was coming next, but not even I could predict what a tool he really was. "

So anyways, I leave the book signing and go to my SGB meeting, after the meeting, I go down to boomerangs to chill and drink with this prick so that I can bring this story to you. I was wearing my brown abercrombie jacket from 10th grade, a green turtleneck, and my bookbag, as I'd never gone home. Tucker starts talking about all these beer nonsense, and claims budwiser is 7% alcohol. This is wrong, its 5%, I correct him, he gets real pissy. At this point, a kid buys tucker a irish car bomb. Tucker tries to drink it, but only manages about half. In a panic, he throws the cup in a nearby trash can. I call him out on it,

"dude, you're tucker max, you cant just throw half that shit away, that guy bought it for you, thats rude". "Fuck you kid, I can do whatever I want, I"m tucker max."

Notably, tucker didnt include this into his blog.

So the night goes on, and tatoo girl realizes I'm friends with a particularly hot lesbian, and asks me to bring her to boomerangs. I oblige, and she shows up. This doesnt please tucker very much, as earlier he'd been bragging about how he planned out a 3 some with tattoo girl and piss girl for later that night. Clearly tattoo girl wasnt going to add a "twice" onto her tattoo.

But enough of this sillyness, the hot lesbian arrived at this point, and henceforth, everything I say can be confirmed by her. The following parts of tuckers story are either totally made up, or heavily modified.

1. After I asked tucker about what he used to host his site, and he replied with "movable text" The topic of [my site] was never brought up again.

2. Tucker doesnt like being called tucky, tyler, travis, or "arent you 30 now old man?" In fact he doesnt like anyone who detracts from his star status.

3. I did call my seat as reserved, I said "fives" not "holdsies" and some motherfucker sat in it anyways.

4. I told tattoo girl that I was going the same direction as she was as she lives on mckee, but that I wasnt going back with them, just happened to be walking the same way. She agreed this was wise, as tucker and I had been throwing insults back and forth for the past hour.

5. My friend works at hemmingways, apparently tucker was so horrible to the people in the bar that came to meet him, they left and went there howling about it.

6. Gorrila guy, the dude who was supposedly thrown out after buying everyone shots, only bought tucker something, an irish car bomb, which tucker failed to finish, nice coverup tmax.

5. While walking down forbes, I passed tucker and his entourage. Tucker walks slow, he kind of has a chubby belly to be honest. AT this point he says to me, "dude, what the fuck do you think you're doing". I replied that I lived at the end of mckee st, and I'd be going the same way as them until then, and that I wasnt trying to stop tucker from fucking those girls.

At this point, I Want to quote his site, as its actually partially true here.

Tucker "Why are you following us you fucking dork? You're worse than herpes. Get the fuck out of here. Now."
TheDouche "Whatever, two of those three girls are my friends, I can go with them."
Tucker "They are? OK, Marsha, is he your friend?
Marsha "Uhh...I met him at a party once."
Tucker "Is he your friend?"
Marsha "Uhh....he is an acquaintance, I guess."
Tucker "You fucking loser, this girl won't even claim you as a friend. Go away you fucking leech, before I end you."
TheDouche "Whatever, they are my friends, I can stay if I want."
Tucker "Are you a fucking fag? Do you want to watch me fuck these girls, you fucking fag? Better yet, do you want to fuck me? What the fuck do you want?"

Tucker never said any of it, I did say that two of the girls were my friends. The lesbian is one of my best friends, the other girl I Really dont know that well, I just grouped her as a friend to be polite, I was hoping she would have an alternative to fucking this piece of slime. Oh, and tucker isnt as hard as he's quoted, he didnt say any of the last two lines, nor did I.

At this point, what happened is completely true, tucker dared me to stop the girls from fucking him, I took the bet, and in the long run, was only half successful. The lesbian and tattoo girl didnt fuck tucker, however, the big titted slutty girl did. I asked her "hun, please dont fuck this piece of slime, he just dared me that I couldnt convince you to not fuck him, you're a bet, I cant believe you'd want to do him." Her reply, "I"m sorry Will, I want to do this, I came out tonight with the intention of fucking tucker max, and I"m going to".

So here, tucker victorious, starts yelling, "I"m the king, you cant stop me" and other such statements, and we're pretty much in front of tattoo girls house on mckee now. Here is where it got interesting. Tucker turns around and faces me, insists that all night he has been secretly mocking me. Thing is, he wasnt, he mocked me to my face, and when I gave him shit back, he didnt handle it real well. Like I've stated before, anything that tarnishes the image of "tucker max" isnt something he's fond of. So anyways, this is what tucker claims happened at that moment.

"Tucler "Do you realize what a fucking tool you are? Do you not know that EVERYONE in the bar was mocking you the whole fucking time you were there?"
TheDouche "Whatever.".
Tucker "You don't believe me? TattooGirl, who was everyone in the bar making fun of?
TattooGirl "Him."
Tucker "Marsha, who is the biggest tool at Pitt?"
Marsha "Him."
TheDouche "You are a fucking loser. Go away."

We start walking into TattooGirl's place, when TheDouche starts wailing, "WHATEVER, JUST GO FUCK ALL OF THEM. GO FUCK TUCKER MAX."

Is this guy serious? I stormed over and got right in his face, "Turn around right now and leave before I hit you in the fucking mouth. NOW."

Without saying a word, utter defeat in his eyes, TheDouche turned and walked away. I won't even make a joke like "He went home and kicked his dog," because he's too much of a pussy to even do that. "

Thing is, thats not what happened at all. Tucker did claim the whole bar was mocking me, to tell you the truth, I wouldnt really be able to know that, though if they were, they did it pretty covertly. But I digress, at this point tucker pushed me. Seriously, pushed me. Maybe he was drunk I dunno, but I stepped up, and jacked him up in the chest as he'd just done to me, but not in a pussy fashion. Tucker almost fell, but to his credit did not. I stated "Lets go tucker, come on, lets go right now". And let me tell you, tucker did go, he went the other way, he basically ran off and flipped me the bird while shouting insults. He got inside tattoo girls house about as fast as he could have, and that was that. I walked the rest of the way down mckee st home.

If you dont believe the first part of the story, thats fine, but I"ll have the lesbian get on [my site] soon and she can confirm everything I said after her arrival as total fact.

What have we learned here? Tucker max is just like marylin manson, or any other shock rocker. An image that has to be kept up for the public. If you still want to read his stories, enjoy them, they are pretty funny, but remember, despite what he says, if real names arent used, tucker can lie all he wants, like he just did.

-Will

Here is a link to the comments to this post from the former "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog

Archived Post - "Tucker Max's Over-Inflated Ego"

Tucker Max's Over-Inflated Ego
[originally posted on "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog on Friday, February 24, 2006]

I read somewhere that Tucker Max is looking for an intern to help him out with his website and burgeoning "career." He wants someone with a good college degree and knowledge of computers to help him. He plans on paying the intern a whopping $2k per month, which he advertises as being the equivalent of a salary higher than $2k per month because apparently neither he nor the intern are going to report this employment to the IRS.

Max actually believes that hundreds of qualified people are going to apply for his intern position because it's such a great opportunity. He also believes that working for him looks better on a resume than working as an intern for MTV!

What a douchebag! Everytime I think he's reached the pinnacle of douche-ness, he goes and tops himself. His over-inflated ego knows no bounds.

Here's my prediction - perhaps some idiot will work for him, but it certainly won't be a highly qualified college grad. It will be either be (a) another trust fund baby like himself who can perpetually leech off his family for money, or (b) a moron who was incapable of getting a real job. I also predict that Max will never get his own TV show and will be living in the gutter giving handjobs to bums in exchange for loose change within the next 5-10 years.

Here is a link to the comments to this post from the former "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog

Archived Post - "Picture of Max Looking Like A Douchebag"

Picture of Max Looking Like A Douchebag
[originally posted on "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog on Tuesday, January 31, 2006]

Look at this classy picture of Tucker Max. Does he look like a douchebag in this picture or what? Why is he wearing just an undershirt at a bar? Oh wait, I guess that's because he's unemployed and can't afford a decent shirt. Look at the girl standing next to him. It appears as though his obnoxious shtick was so boring that she's falling asleep. Also, is it just me or does he look like he's got an enormous head and a disproportionately tiny torso?

Here is a link to the comments to this post from the former "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog

Archived Post - "The 'Tucker Max' Stories"

The "Tucker Max" Stories
[originally posted on "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog on Sunday, January 29, 2006]

Anyone who has ever visited Tucker Max's website knows about the self-proclaimed "Tucker Max Stories." According to Tucker, these stories are recounts of actual events in which he was involved. They usually involve him being an asshole to women and men, him getting lots of sex with hot women despite his obnoxious behavior, and never suffering any negative repercussions for his outrageous antics. These stories build up Tucker has a total stud who gets away with doing whatever he wants to do regardless of what anyone else thinks about him.

Some visitors to his website take his stories at face value and have deified him as some sort of modern-day sex god. I, on the other hand, strongly believe that his stories are complete horseshit. That dude doesn't get laid with hot women - if he gets any women at all they are almost certainly beastly hogs with no other options.

Here's my own hypothetical "Tucker Max Story." I believe that this story gives a more accurate retelling of what a night on the town with Tucker Max is probably really like:

"Tucker Max's Night At The Manhole

I just experienced a Saturday evening like no other. There was quite a bit of debauchery, hot sex, and vomiting before the unbelievable night was over.

I grabbed a quick bite to eat at the Popeye's fast food chicken restaurant to fill my belly to start out my evening. I then returned to my studio apartment in the Boys Town section of Chicago at around 7:00 PM and started pounding a couple bottles of Colt 45. Why Colt 45? Because I needed to get drunk fast, and there's nothing chicks like better than a drunken fool who's already plastered by 9 PM on a Saturday evening.

At around 8:30 I headed over to Wrigleyville to the Cubby Bear bar. As I was alone I realized I would need to turn on the charm if I was going to get some chicks. I saw a group of college-aged girls and went in for the kill. I went right up to them and said "Hey bitches! Who is going to suck me off tonight!!!" The girls all got disgusted looks on their faces. Perplexed, I blurted out "Don't you know who I am? I'm Tucker Max!!!" One of the girls, a redhead, replied "I don't know who the fuck you are! Get out of my face, faggot!" I responded "But I have a popular website. I love you!" The redhead called me a faggot again and I walked away. 0 for 1 so far, but the night wasn't over.

I then went up to the bar and ordered a Bud Light. After I received my beer and had a few sips I started feeling a little queasy. Unfortunately the combination of Popeye's chicken, Colt 45, and the Bud Light was not sitting well in my stomach. About 10 second later I started spewing all over the bar and was quickly escorted out of the bar by a couple bouncers who threw me out of the bar and into a big muddy puddle.

I thought to myself, "This night isn't going very well." But the night was still young.

I decided to visit a bar where I was sure to get some action, the Manhole, a gay bar only a couple blocks from my apartment.

I arrived at the Manhole, waited in line for about 15 minutes, paid the cover, and then walked right in. I was immediately greeted by the regulars inside who started chanting my name, repeating "Tucker...Tucker...TUCKER...TUCKER!!!" It felt nice to be so loved.

Phillip and Lance, two nice young men who dance at the Manhole every weekend, came up to me and hugged me. Phillip then went and bought me a Miller Light while Lance grabbed my ass and dragged me out onto the dance floor. Lance was slow-dancing so close to me when Phillips came up behind me with the Miller Light and started grinding his erect penis against my ass. One thing led to another and before I knew it Lance, Phillips, and I were in the second bathroom stall in the Men's room! Being double-teamed by Lance and Phillip felt so good and was incredibly hot for me. Both of them pumped away for what seemed like 30 minutes until dumping their loads inside me. A couple random men also walked into the bathroom and took their turns as well. Within an hour or so, my butthole was holding more "semen" than a battleship!

When they were finally done, I got dressed and limped out of the bar in obvious pain. After arriving at my tiny studio apartment, I turned on my computer and logged into my website, www.tuckermax.com, and typed in a story about how I had spend the evening fucking two hot babes I met at the Cubby Bear. If only the visitors to my website knew the truth!!! Luckily, my secret is safe from those mindless fools."

Here is a link to the comments to this post from the former "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog

Archived Post - "Amazon.com Reviews of Tucker Max's New Book"

Amazon.com Reviews of Tucker Max's New Book
[originally posted on "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog on Tuesday, January 24, 2006]

Has anyone seen the Amazon.com product page for Tucker Max's new "book," I Hope they Serve Beer In Hell? Tucker Max and the retards who kiss his ass have been spamming that page with phony reviews. In case you are wondering how I know that they are phony, click on the link for just about any of the reviewers who gave Tucker a 5-star rating and you'll see that most of them have never before written a review for any other Amazon.com product.

Also, according to the Amazon webpage, this book was supposedly only released a few weeks ago on January 1, 2006. However, 17 of the reviews were written and submitted in December 2005, before the book was even released! Here's a big surprise - all 17 of these reviews give the book the maximum rating of 5 stars.

I have no doubt that Tucker's probably out at a random bar right now bragging to some skank/fat chick about how well the sales of his book are doing and pointing out that almost all of the Amazon.com reviewers give it 5-stars. That is really sad! Tucker is actually such a loser that he has to spam the Amazon product page in a pathetic attempt to fool some random shopper into believing that his book is a good read and worth purchasing.

Tucker strikes me as being the type of moronic slacker whose family paid for all of his college and law school bills, allowing him to graduate with no loans. However, despite given all the opportunities in the world to make something of himself, Max has thrown them all away to be a complete fuck-up.

Here is a link to the comments to this post from the former "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog

Archived Post - "Angry post from Tucker Max's ex-girlfriend"

Angry post from Tucker Max's ex-girlfriend
[originally posted on "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog on Sunday, January 22, 2006]

The following message was posted on Cloud Starchaser's blog. This message was supposedly written by someone named Erin Tyler who used to date Tucker Max. The poster wrote that this message was originally posted in Tucker Max's forums but was quickly deleted by the image-conscious Tucker Max:

Humiliating
Last night Tucker blew me off. Again.
I went insane. I cut off all my hair with kitchen scissors like Frida Khalo. Today I examined the fallout (actually quite cute and flippy. I am good at everything). I also thought, "Bunny... there is something terribly awry. Why are you so angry? Why have you become a bitter and horrible person since you met Tucker?"
Today, while I'm working, Tucker is hovering over me asking me the same question.
I have decided to make an itemized list of reasons why I might want to cut off all my hair like a rape victim.
[Note: This is truly humiliating. If anyone were to make a medicine to cure low self-esteem, I'd take it in spades; I'd do the 10k walk for closet self-loathers, and wear the empty wine bottle lapel pin. I wish to God these FACTS were fabricated or embellished, but the awful truth is that they are not. I only hope this helps the other girls who don't like themselves].
What it is like to date Tucker Max…
-You will get fried chicken for your birthday. Later that night when you both go to a bar, you will want a diet coke, but won’t get one because that is one less beer that he can drink.
-He will hang up on your favorite aunt, and be stunned when you get upset that he referred to your mother as “that fucking bitch” because she called you at a late hour.
-He will scream at you because you don’t like the instant coffee he bought you.
-He will never kiss you, and barely fuck you, even if you beg him to for months. You are now the Virgin Mary. He will still try to coerce crazy whores into coming to Chicago to fuck him. He will kiss them because they are whores, and don’t you know that you’re only supposed to give good passionate sex to women that you don’t know or give a shit about? I didn’t know that either.
-He will make sure you know that you aren’t very hot, only sort of cute, and that your head is too big for the rest of your body. You also have unattractive dark circles under your eyes and your tits are too small. He will never compliment you.
-You will be bi-sexual and okay with him sleeping with other women, but this will not be enough. He needs freedom.
-If he is an insensitive asshole to you, it is only because you are selfish. You should understand that his parents sucked and now you have to pay for this. How this is logical, I’m not really sure.
-When he has major surgery you will not leave his side. You will spend day night waiting on him hand and foot, making sure he is comfortable and well cared for. You will even wipe his ass when he takes a shit. Later he will tell you that it was all unnecessary. He didn’t need or want you to be there.
-When he is supposed to pick you up and take you to a party, he will get black-out drunk and fuck some girl instead of showing up.
-He will tell you he loves you and wants to have children with you. When you then get pregnant, he will say that he has about two to four more years of drinking and whoring left to do, so a baby isn’t in the cards. He will coerce you into an abortion by threatening to give away your dog if you try to have the child. Then he will be evasive so that you will be forced to dump him and he can get off scot-free.
-When you get upset about this, he will tell you that you are over-emotional. When you try to explain how this hurts, he will ignore you till you find yourself screaming and breaking things. He will explain these outbursts to his drinking buddies as so: “Yeah she’s fucking crazy. She flips out on me like every third day.”
-When you go to stay with your parents (read: bawl day and night) for two weeks, he will fuck other women in your bed. The night you return he will try to go out with a whore he’s just met and wonder why you’re upset about that. He needs his freedom.
-When you are at your parents, he won’t take your calls. Instead he will spend his time e-mailing some whore. Later, he will not stop e-mailing this same whore, because all whores come before your feelings even if the whores are half as attractive and barely capable of forming cogent sentences.
-When his ex-girlfriend dies and then comes back to life, you will nurse him through the depression. You will even be fine with her coming to stay at your own fucking apartment so that he can decide which of you he wants. This is so that you can be fair to both of them because you are a good person… unlike them.
-Later on you will catch him telling this covert bitch who pretended to be nice to you that he is only keeping you around because you are willing to support him financially. They will laugh at you behind your back for being “over-emotional.” Oh how silly you are!
-When Tucker bounces back from his depression you will not be needed anymore. You will just hand over the keys to his car and not say a word when he drives it all over Chicagoland while black-out drunk.
-When girls come to the apartment, he will become “Cooooool Tucker Max.” He will dress and act differently. He will be an asshole to you. Why are you upset? Don’t you know “this is the Tucker Max show?” This pathetic statement is his actual quote.
-And finally (though I could write pages and pages of this horrible shit): When you’ve been stood up by the very first date you’ve planned in a year, you will call Tucker and ask to hang out with him. He will not come pick you up in YOUR OWN FUCKING CAR, because HE lost your license the night before and you won’t be able to get into the club he's going to. When you ask if it’s possible to go anywhere else he will refuse because there are free drinks and whores in said club. Whores are very special. Much more special than the woman that did all the above things out of unconditional love FOR A FUCKING YEAR!

Here is a link to the comments to this post from the former "Tucker Max Is A Douchebag" blog